To: President-Elect Donald Trump
CC: Trump Transition Team, RNC, Inauguration Committee
BCC: CNN, MSNBC, et al
Dear Sir,
I have decided to respectfully decline any request to
perform at your inauguration. The fact
that I have not yet been invited played no part in this decision.
Unlike those performers who may have declined out of sincerely-held
political beliefs, or those “B” list performers who accepted but then pulled
out over fear of what others in the entertainment industry might think, I am
refusing for entirely selfish and totally non-political reasons.
You see, Sir, I have no marketable entertainment skills
whatsoever. I couldn’t draw a crowd if I
set myself aflame in front of the Lincoln Memorial.
I am taking this action in the hopes that adding my name to
the list of decliners will give me the fame and notoriety that my talent (or
lack thereof) has thus far been unable to provide.
Sincerely,
Bob
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