Despite the best efforts of Hackensack, Minnesota, rumors continue to abound that Paul Bunyan, the fabled North Woods lumberjack was gay – that the bulging muscles and rustic outfits were a classic case of overcompensation. There are those who smugly claim that Lucette was not the love of his life, but a clever and cynical public relations stunt.
After a century of fame, poor old Paul has come under attack from all sides, with historians and activists of multiple political persuasions determined to prove that Bunyan had feet of clay. { It is sorely tempting, but I am not going to succumb to adding a play-on-words involving Bunyans and Feet! }
The movie stars who pose naked for PETA could care less about Bunyan’s sexual orientation. After all, when they do wear clothes, their designers-of-choice are all light in the loafers. But, they do hate Paul Bunyan! They see him not as an iconic hero, but as a cruel ogre, responsible for the destruction of thousands of acres of woodland habitat – home to songbirds, bunnies and fawns.
In 2013, there was even a movie depicting Bunyan as a demented axe-murderer. I’m not kidding; you can look it up on IMDB.
Today, the latest attack comes from historians who claim that Bunyan got his prodigious strength and size from consuming substances that would have got him banned from Baseball for Life!
They claim that Paul would visit Native-American shamans and snake-oil salesmen and would buy any performance-enhancing tincture or potion they offered. He wouldn't just take them - he would try them on his big blue ox first, but if Babe survived, Bunyan took it next.
No comments:
Post a Comment