Cat’s Diary

I do not love cats.

Don’t get me wrong – I do not despise cats,  I don’t even dislike them, but I find it impossible to love something that will never ever love me back.

Dogs typically offer unconditional love, consider you a part of their family and constantly strive to please.  Dogs look up to you as a father figure, something between a god and the alpha of the pack.

Cats, on the other hand, may tolerate your presence in their home, but they do not give a rat’s ass how you feel or what you think.

Cats know damn well that they are better than you.

Cats may occasionally show signs of affection, but I’m convinced that such displays come with an ulterior motive. 

We once had a cat named Comfort that may have been an exception. He spent most of his  evenings purring as he lay in Honey’s lap.  She was sure that he loved her, and maybe he did, but I think it’s just as likely that he just liked a warm spot and enjoyed having his ears scratched.

More typical was the Siamese tomcat we had when I was a teenager.  Every couple of weeks he would leave a dead animal ( a rat, a rabbit or a bird ) on our doorstep.  Once he dropped it there, he would never touch it again – just his way of saying “I’m totally self sufficient.  Don’t expect me to be grateful for the food you provide.”  Of course, I was the guy on our family organization chart whose duties included cat-kill disposal.

Not as often, but once in a while, he would ignore his litter box, sneak into the closet and take a dump in somebody’s shoe.  Somehow, that became my fault, and it didn’t matter how recently the litter box had been cleaned.  My mother always got madder at me than she did at the damn cat!

Even this evil feline would lie in your lap and allow you to pet him for a while. When he decided he’d had enough, he didn’t just get up and leave, he sank his claws into your leg.

Anyone who could love a cat like that is either a saint, a masochist or both.  Ornery as he was, I actually did sort of like that cat, but what I felt was a long, long way from love.