Losing My Ass

I’ve always had a nice round butt. 

My mother always claimed that I was late learning to sit up because my bottom was so round that I would just roll over. I can’t say that I remember that, but I do know that even when I was a skinny teenager – 5 foot 7 inches, 120 lbs. - I had broad shoulders for someone that size, a narrow waist and hips, and that globular gluteus maximus.  Not bragging, but several young ladies and at least one really strange guy told me it was really cute.

It wasn’t huge; not some Hottentot shelf,  -By the way, I learned moments ago that Hottentot is now considered derogatory and to be politically correct we should refer to them as Khoi, which means “real people” in their language. -   it really was just exceptionally round.

Now that I’m in my 60’s, and getting bigger everywhere else, my butt is just not keeping up.  While my waistline has surged from a 26 to a 38/40 and my weight is flirting with the 200 lb. mark, my rear end is not only getting proportionally smaller it’s actually decreasing in size!

I can blame years and gravity for some of the physical changes that have taken place in my body, but my derriere didn’t slide down the backs of my legs, it just isn’t as large as it used to be.

I wouldn’t care, wouldn’t be concerned at all, except that when I wear pants that fit my ever-expanding girth , there’s nothing in back to hold them up anymore, and  I run the risk of looking like a teenaged gang-banger.

Much as I hate the idea, I may have to buy some suspenders.