Effing Field Lines

Erma Bombeck wrote THE GRASS IS ALWAYS GREENER OVER THE SEPTIC TANK.  Truer words were never spoken; I can personally attest to their wisdom.

The grass around our tank was especially lush this last month because the tank was starting to overflow.  At first I attributed this to the exceptionally wet winter; after all, the whole place was wet ( see my March 12 post) and all the ditches were holding water.  Then I envisioned having to replace the whole system with a modern (read that expensive) aerobic system.  Those are the only systems which can be installed here under current laws, and I don’t think the old anaerobic systems can legally be re-done.

Finally, after denial and panic came determination; I decided to find the problem and fix it!

The field lines from our tank form a letter F.  The line comes out about 20 feet to a Tee, and then travels another 20 feet to an Ell.  The lines from the Ell and from the base of the Tee are parallel field lines approximately 60 feet long.   I first went to the ends of the field lines, and with only a couple wrong guesses I was able to dig down and access the ends of the lines.  The one off the end of the Ell was wet, but not really flowing; the first pipe, the one off the Tee was bone dry.  An attempt to open up the pipe with a water hose was not successful, so yesterday I rented a sewer rooter machine.

It has probably been 40 years since I had handled one of these machines but it ain’t rocket science, and if it works, a $50 rental beats the Hell out of a new $6,000 system. 

The good news is that both arms of the F are open and flowing.  The first one was totally blocked very near the Tee so I effectively doubled the capacity of our system!

The bad news is that a roto-rooter, like a chain saw or hydraulic log splitter and many other labor-saving devices, will work your ass into the dirt before you realize what’s happening.

I am so stiff and sore this morning that I can hardly move.  If you’ll excuse me, I think I’ll go to the bathroom and flush the toilet a few more times – JUST BECAUSE I CAN.