Names Will Never Hurt Me

Well - yes they can and sometimes they do. 

I’m not really talking about the ridiculous first names applied to innocent, defenseless,  infants by Rock Stars, Hollywood types or by poor uneducated folks that just don’t know any better. 

I’m not even talking about Shel Silverstein’s unfortunate boy named Sue, the hero of the poem that became a huge hit song for Johnny Cash

Today’s subject is last names.

A few days ago, I posted an article about weather trends on FaceBook.  It was a thoughtful and well written essay by Accuweather Chief Meteorologist Joe Bastardi.  Although the article was topical and articulate, the first comment it received was a demeaning reference to the author’s last name.

Having had dozens of little boys in elementary school (and a remarkable number of teenagers – even a couple of drunken adults) think that since my last name is Couch, it would be the very pinnacle of cleverness to sit on me, I can only imagine what poor Joe must have dealt with all his life.  In the spirit of full disclosure, I should also mention that there were several girls of various ages who also gave it a try – Somehow, I didn’t find that nearly as offensive, and I can testify that they (and I) found the experience much more pleasant than their male counterparts.

Over the years, I have known quite a few people whose last names brought snickers and snide remarks – folks whose names included Klutz, Funk, Wang, and Tinkle. 

I buy my groceries at HEB, the area’s best and the nation’s 15th largest grocery chain – It was founded by a gentleman named Howard E. Butt.  Ft. Wayne, Indiana, is currently trying to decide if they are brave enough to name their new civic center after a popular former mayor named Harry Baals.

If you are one of the many whose name can invite ridicule, you really only have two options; you can change it (Young women often do this by getting married, but that can work both ways) or you can learn to live with it –Remember, they can’t be laughing  at you if you’re laughing, too.

Of course, even totally innocent looking names can sometimes sneak up and bite you.  Several years ago, I worked with a man named Michael Hunt.

One day, when the boss was looking for him, our receptionist went on the office paging system and announced throughout the entire  building,              

“ATTENTION!  ATTENTION! – Has anybody seen Mike Hunt?”

It took close to half an hour for work to get back to anything approaching normal.