Brave New Kilt

Yesterday’s post about the new movie Brave got me thinking about all things Scottish, and reminded me of a  story that I first heard half a century ago:

Angus McTavish was in love.  He had asked for his true love’s hand and she had accepted.  The banns had been posted and the wedding day was near at hand.

As he dressed one morning, Angus noticed that his kilt was looking a bit forlorn – fine enough for everyday wear, but a bit shabby for a wedding.  He took himself to the local haberdasher’s to buy material for a new kilt that he could wear while joining his intended in holy matrimony.

“Angus, you’re in luck.” the merchant exclaimed. “I’ve a three-yard bolt of the finest wool knit upon my remnant table.  It is in your  traditional family tartan plaid, and  I can let ye have it for half price!”

“Half price, ye say?  I like the sound of that.” says Angus.  I’ll have two yards of it then.”

“No, me boy.  Ye dinna understand.” says the haberdasher.  “If I cut two yards from a new bolt or the old, it will have to be full price,  I can only give you the discount if you buy all three yards remaining. All three yards of the remnant  still costs less than two yards cut-to-order.”

“But I only need two yards,” says McTavish “and even with the savings, I canna make meself buy something just to throw away.”

The merchant had not made a fine living all these years without being able to think fast on his feet.  “Why it need not go to waste,” he says, “It would make a fine scarf or muffler that your intended could wear about her neck.”

“It would, indeed.” says Angus.  “I’ll take it.”

It takes no time at all to sew a kilt, and soon Angus was admiring himself in the mirror.  He liked what he saw so much that he threw on his greatcoat and hurried off across the moor to show his true love this beautiful new garment he had made for their wedding day.

But as he strode across the moor, a wee bit of a briar happened to catch on the hem of his kilt, and unbeknownst to Angus, by the time he reached his true love’s gate his bonnie new kilt was but a single lonely woolen thread stretched all across the moor.

He knocked upon the door, and when his bride-to-be answered, he threw open his greatcoat saying “Tell me lass.  What d’ye think of that?”

“Ooooh,” says she. “I think I like it!”

“If ye think that’s something,” says Angus, “I’ve another yard at home for to wrap around your neck!”