Party in Porter

About 30 miles north of Houston on US-59 lies the town of Porter Texas, the snuff-dipping, mullet-wearing redneck capitol of Southeast Texas. 

Anywhere you look in Porter, you will see  small beer joints and big fundamentalist churches.  The residents probably sport more tattoos and fewer natural teeth per capita than anywhere else west of the Mississippi.

The fact that Porter’s population estimates vary from two to ten thousand can’t  be blamed entirely on stupidity or the lack of education – the fact that there are no city limits means that no one really knows where Porter begins and ends.  Although it’s been around since the 1870’s, and was the County Seat of Montgomery county from 1896 to 1915 –when a mandate by Federal Authorities stated all counties seats needed to be located in the center of a county so all residents could have equal access - not even the residents thought enough of Porter to incorporate.

You probably wouldn’t expect a town like Porter to produce an Astronaut, but it did; Robert Crippen was born in Beaumont, but grew up in Porter where his mom owned and ran one of those ubiquitous beer joints. 

Porter hosts a Super Wal-Mart, and one each of just about every fast-food joint currently in operation in Texas.   About the last thing you would expect to see in Porter is a Nudist Resort, but now they have one of those, too. 

I just learned that there is a newly opened nudist resort called Emerald Lake in Porter, Texas.   It’s on Loop 494, right about where Ma Crippen’s beer joint used to be.

The Resort’s calendar says they are sponsoring a Halloween Costume Party on the 31st, and I don’t have a thing to wear.