BATminton

 

Austin, TX - The fastest growing sport in Texas is Batminton (sic), a modification of badminton, the game originated in India under British rule. The primary difference being that instead of the traditional shuttlecock, or birdie, Austin area participants have substituted the Mexican Free-tailed Bat.

Equipment is inexpensive and often already at hand; a badminton or volleyball net/court, a badminton/squash/tennis racquet, a leather welding glove for the off hand, and, of course, a box full of bats, collected from under the Ann W. Richards Bridge on Congress Avenue. Optional equipment may include a high-frequency device, such as a dog whistle. While not yet illegal in this still evolving game, these are now considered to be an unsportsmanlike attempt to bewilder the already battered bats, and moves are underway to outlaw their use.

A group of Basque exchange students attempted to replace racquets with their cestas, the long curved baskets used in jai-alai, and achieved bat speeds nearing two hundred miles per hour -  speeds that bring to mind the phrase Bat out of Hell. The use of the cesta has not been accepted by the Batminton crowd in general, so the Basques have been reduced to playing with themselves.

Athletes’ dress varies greatly, depending on temperature and taste. Players may commonly be seen in warm-ups, tennis togs and, on hotter days,  in bikinis and  in tee shirts and cut-offs. Then there is that now famous game played entirely in the nude that took place last April across the street from Austin’s P.E.T.A. headquarters.

Answering criticisms from P.E.T.A. and other animal rights groups, Preston Harrigan, entertainment director for Sigma Rho Omega – the fun and frivolity fraternity – said, “What’s the big deal?  They’re BATS for God’s sake.  Ugly, noisy, nasty bats!  It ain’t like we’re out there smacking around the Bluebird of Happiness.”  SRO president, Francis (Pancho) Freyberg, pulled himself away from the beer bong long enough to add his support, “ Yeah,” agreed Freyberg, “what he said.”