The Emperor's Marvelous Rock Crystal Mulberry Bush

 

From late in 1967 until I left the Army in August of 68, I hosted a radio show called Post Time.  It was broadcast from my studio at the Ft Hood information office via a local Killeen radio station.  Often, after the show was over, friends would gather in the studio for some adult beverages, etc. and general camaraderie.  It was here that Bruce Glassner first told the story of the Emperor’s Marvelous Rock Crystal Mulberry Bush. 

Obviously, I’m going to paraphrase, but to the best of my memory, what follows is the story he told that evening 54 years ago.

Several hundred years ago, in the early days of the Hung dynasty in China, the fantastically wealthy Emperor Hung ruled the land.  He had several castles, 22 wives and 150 concubines, but his most treasured possession was a marvelous mulberry bush in the courtyard.  Made entirely of crystal, it was constructed in such a way that the slightest breeze would stir the leaves and create beautiful, soothing music.  It was so old that nobody knew who had made it or how – the secret of its magnificent sound lost in antiquity.  The Emperor spent many an afternoon just listening to the bush.

Perhaps his second most treasured possession was the baseball stadium.  Yes, baseball was invented in China several centuries before being reinvented in the United States.  The Emperor’s personal team was the Cheng Du Dragons, the perennial league champions, and their star player was We Le Hung, the team captain, second baseman and the Emperor’s son.

One fateful day, it was the bottom of the fourth, two on when We Le Hung came to bat.  He had two balls and one strike when he got a fastball right over the plate. His swing was perfect, and from the crack of the bat everyone knew he had hit a home run.  The ball rocketed from his bat, over the wall, over the left field bleachers and out of the stadium.  Everybody looked on in awe until they heard the sound of a horrible crash….

We Le’s homer had destroyed the marvelous crystal mulberry bush.

Immediately, the finest artisans in the empire were summoned, and they were eventually able to reassemble the bush.  Unfortunately, it sounded horrible; like fingernails on a chalkboard.  Instead of the soothing sounds it was so famous for, the noise it made literally grated on the nerves. It was enough to drive a strong man mad.

Finally, the Emperor called his Grand Vizier and sent him on a mission.  “Search all the known world and find someone who can fix my bush.  If you cannot, I will have it destroyed and you along with it.”

The Vizier took him at his word and left immediately.  He searched through Tibet and India, through Persia and finally into what is now Turkey.  There he heard of a man known as Khalid the Inscrutable who was famous for his perfect pitch.  It was said that he could tune a harp or lute and could adjust a bell to a perfect tone with a few strokes of his file.

They met at Khalid’s tent in the desert, surrounded by shaggy goats and one ragged camel.  The Vizier made Khalid an offer he couldn’t refuse.  He realized the overweight musician would not be easily swayed by talk of material wealth, so, instead he waxed poetic about the marvelous fare he would find at the Emperor’s table.

He told of the emperor’s vast forests, and hunts where wild boar were driven into pits lined with apple wood coals to be roasted whole, and of the aviary where thousands of hummingbirds were raised for the Emperor’s chef.  How only the finest pieces of pork and the delicate throats of the hummingbirds served on a bed of lotus blossoms made it to the Emperor’s dining room.

“That sounds intriguing” said Khalid,  “What else could I expect?”

The Vizier replied “That should be enough.  For surely it is written ‘The bird and the ham is worth tuning the bush!’”